Keeping My Eyes Open

 Every now and then I struggle to keep my eyes open.  MS fatigue (lassitude) is unlike normal fatigue.  It's a weariness that makes it challenging to manage daily self-care.  All that matters is that you're able to lie down, somewhere.  When I have days like this, it starts first thing in the morning, even after a decent night's sleep.  I eat breakfast, and despite having a couple of cups of coffee, my body says, "Take a nap, why don't you?"

Full disclosure:  I recently got a new puppy.  Leo.  A yellow coated, chihuahua-terrier mix.  Energy personified, but packaged in a size that accommodates rapid sprints up and down the hallway.  Whoever invented the tennis ball has another tiny canine devotee who deeply appreciates his ball.  

So, needless to say, I am getting more exercise lately.  Fortunately, Leo isn't one to cry through the night.  He tucks in at about my same bedtime and we meet up again in the morning.  He also has taken quite well to a Porch Potty.  I don't have a proper backyard, so it's awesome that he uses this.  He's already signaling his need to go out by running to the back door.  I don't sit down for long these days, but the puppy phase will eventually end. But here are my stats for our first week together:

2386 calories

27,653 steps

12.62 miles

69 flights climbed

To be fair I should also mention the cat.  She's a senior with health issues that have to be tended to.  My master bedroom has become a feline hospice, and the bathroom now houses a litter box, water fountain and food.  

So.... when I found myself with a bit of quiet time to put my feet up and read a little this morning, my eyelids would not cooperate.

I've had to learn to give myself permission to rest and give up the to-do list.  

Lidocaine

Hi.  Yes, I’m still around.  Long story.  Retirement.  Not retirement.  Back to school.  Bought a wheelchair.  It’s all good.

I went to the dentist a few months ago.  The procedure I was getting required lidocaine which naturally rendered the left side of my face and my lips and chin feeling as though someone had stuffed them with foam rubber.  The worst part of the entire visit was that injection of lidocaine, even with the swabbing down of the injection site with numbing gel.

As the drug took effect, I thought of my legs.  I thought of how similar my oral numbness felt to that compression stocking sensation I feel in both of my legs.  That tingling is familiar!  My MS legs must be full of lidocaine!

I had to be careful about my mouth for a couple of hours after my appointment.  My face looked entirely normal, but it felt swollen and inert.  No one would know, no one could tell what I was experiencing.  Silent, invisible and very real.  So goes MS.

I stopped at the grocery store before heading home.  I glanced sideways at the scooters parked next to the front door, but grabbed a shopping cart instead and started pushing.  Lidocaine legs are passably functional but definitely taxed by the effort it takes to use them.  Familiar theme for those of us who live with MS.  My list was short and a walk around the store counts as exercise in my book.

By Ben Mills - Own work, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=5750147